The lost fanletter of Randy Harrison to JT Leroy:

i'm sorry i missed you in ny, again. i tell ya, i'm starting to think you're avoiding me. your new wig is beautiful. saw it on the internet. lots of people think you're great, and i don't like being overly excited about telling you how great i think you are, because i'd hate to scare you like my fans scare me. besides i'm not really a fan. it's more that i appreciate your work. a lot. like a stranger who just happens to really get you on some intense level that haunts my soul. the PR maelstrom around you keeps me at a distance and that makes me sad. i've quit the absinthe. moved on to herbal teas. they make me have to pee a lot. glad your still eating lots of chocolate; i mean, based on the contents of your trash the last few weeks. i need to stop smoking. but it makes my voice sound hot. random. thank you. i love you. i mean, i loved you when you wrote harold's end. yeah. there's something about the way you say things that lets me know that we are linked in a karmic way. it's destiny. you seduce and haunt me. i've said it before, but it's true. i guess i'll keep on knowing that i know you, or pretending that i know you, (or pretending to pretend that i know you). I don't know. whatever. it makes me really happy just to know that you're alive out there and that you have that (aliveness, i mean) and that i have that (your aliveness). it gives me hope. you can post what i wrote if you want.

Randy



This is obviously a parody of the only letter that we know that Randy wrote to his fanboy crush. Just to make sure no one thought Randy really wrote this. But, hell, he might as well have.