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Jennifer placed the cookies neatly on the tray next to the brewing pot of coffee, brushed the crumbs off her hands, and turned to peruse the group of women and men sitting around the circle of folding chairs in the middle of the church's gymnasium.

The PFLAG group was growing, and they had several first-time visitors with them. The new Unitarian Church on Liberty Avenue had offered its space for their use and it was a much better fit for them, allowing them a safe place to discuss the issues that came with being the parents or friends of lesbians and gays.

Tonight they planned on having a low-key meeting to greet the visitors and discuss some of the more challenging aspects of dealing with the gay men and women in their lives. The next meeting they would be making decisions regarding rallies and marches; the election year had everyone eager to make their voices known. They would use tonight to regroup and relax before moving ahead with more involved plans.

Debbie didn't enjoy the slower evenings as much. She was a woman of action, and Jennifer knew that she preferred to be making signs, marching, shouting out rallying cries, but Jennifer preferred the quiet meetings when people confessed that they had been ashamed to admit that their son was gay when asked at their latest office party, or to proudly proclaim that they'd informed their grandparents of their daughter's lesbian lover without an eye-blink. Jennifer liked to know that she wasn't alone in her mixed-up feelings with regards to her son's life. She loved Justin, but she still sometimes wondered if things wouldn't have been easier if only he'd been....

But she tried not to dwell on those thoughts, even if it was a relief to hear other people admit that they sometimes had them, too. Debbie was so adamant in her pride for Michael and his gayness that Jennifer occasionally felt alienated by Deb's emphatic declarations, even if she also relied on them to give her strength.

Jennifer smiled, overhearing Debbie's curse-filled lambasting of a local mayoral candidate, and crossed the room to sit next to Roger, an older gentleman who never failed to fall asleep during the share period of the meetings. Debbie sat down next to her after a few minutes and Jennifer reached over to pat her hand, saying, "We'll defeat that old bastard. You'll see."

"Fucking Republican thinks he can tell us who we can love, and what we can do. Not if I have anything to say about it."

Jennifer nodded in agreement, squeezing Debbie's fingers. Jacob Johnson, the host of the evening, stood up to start the meeting when the door to the gym creaked open, drawing everyone's attention. A small woman with short, salt-and-pepper hair, edged into the room uncertainly, clutching her purse to her stomach as though afraid someone would leap up and try to steal it.

"Well, fuck me," Debbie whispered in her overly loud voice, so that nearly everyone in the circle overheard.

"Welcome!" Jacob called out, beckoning with his hands.

The woman crept forward, looking as though she hadn't entirely decided not to run. "Is this the PFLAG..." she trailed off, her eyes lighting on Debbie and catching there. She cleared her throat. "I see that it is."

For a minute, Jennifer was sure that the woman was going to turn around and leave, but she seemed to gather all of her strength to stick out her chin, straighten her back, and walk toward the group.

"Take a seat anywhere. We were just getting started," Jacob indicated several empty folding chairs.

The woman sat down on the left side of the circle; if Jennifer turned her head just off center, she could see the woman clearly.

"Well, fuck me," Deb repeated, chomping on gum and making it pop.

Jennifer took the bait this time, leaning over and whispering, "Who is that?"

Debbie put her mouth to Jennifer's ear and said, "That is your son's partner's mother."

"Brian's mom?" Jennifer asked softly, turning her head to look at the woman more closely, and saw that both she and Debbie were under scrutiny by dark eyes set widely in a finely formed face. Yes, she could see a resemblance.

"If that's what you call a woman who lets her husband beat the shit out of a defenseless kid, then, yeah, that's Brian's fucking mom."

Jennifer sat in silence letting that information process. She'd never known.

"Let's begin," Jacob said, clapping his hands, and smiling cheerfully. "We've got some new people visiting with us tonight, so why don't we start out by introducing ourselves and maybe giving some information about how we came to PFLAG. I'll start...."

Jennifer tried to keep from staring at Joan Kinney as the introductions were made around the group, finally allowing herself to focus on the woman when it was Joan's turn to speak. Joan's voice was tight, as though she were trying very hard to keep certain words from tumbling forth.

"My name is Joan Kinney and I'm here because...well, I'm here because my priest told me that I should attend this group. He thinks it might help me to...cope." She pursed her lips, appeared to be measuring her next sentence, but went on, "I don't know why he thinks this will make any difference, but I've agreed because I respect him and he is like a son to me."

Jennifer watched the way Joan fiddled with the strap of her purse, still clutched in her lap, not meeting anyone's eyes as she went on.

"My son, Brian, is...well, he says that he's gay. I've seen with my own eyes that he...sins with men. I met a young man once at my son's loft." Joan laughed in a miserable way. "If you can say that interrupting an act of perversion with my unexpected arrival was meeting someone. He was young...too young, I dare say, for my son--" Joan looked up them, meeting them all in the eye one by one, lingering on Debbie. "How can you support this? Your children are going to burn in hell."

"Mrs. Kinney, what does your priest say about all of this? Why did he suggest that you come?" Jacob asked kindly, everyone else looked too shell-shocked to speak up.

Debbie was obviously about to mouth off, so Jennifer reached over and dug her nails into Debbie's arm in warning, eliciting a gasp and a surprised expression.

"Deb, shh," Jennifer whispered, wanting to hear Joan's answer to Jacob's question.

"Because he says...." Joan gathered herself again. "Father Tom supports change through love, and he says that so long as I'm alienated from my son, then I stand no chance of saving him from the fires of hell."

Jennifer's brows drew together. She'd never imagined that Brian came from a home such as the one she was beginning to imagine for him. Her mind's eye supplied her with the image of Brian as she'd last seen him: worn out from a day at the office, drinking a beer, but still reaching out to Justin affectionately, rubbing his hands over Justin's short hair, and teasing her for worrying about Justin's allergy medicine.

Jacob nodded solemnly. "Well, Ms. Kinney, we hope that we can help you to smooth over the rift between you and your son."

The introductions continued until it was Jennifer's turn. She smiled and said, "Well, this is my third, no, almost fourth year as a PFLAG mom. Justin came out nearly four years ago, and my life hasn't been the same since." Jennifer chuckled. "I mean that in mostly good ways," she said, smiling.

"Although, we all know that I could have done without the strain of the bashing after Prom, but I also learned a lot about my son's lover at that time. What a caring, generous man he can be--"

Jennifer looked toward Joan who was watching her through narrowed eyes. "Brian Kinney, as you all know, took care of Justin after the bashing because my son refused to let me close to him. Brian was the only one who could get him the help he needed. For that, I'll be forever grateful."

She took a big breath and said, "Now, two years later, things have really changed. Justin is going to L.A. to work on a movie, and I'm going to miss him, even though I'm quite excited for his future. Still, he'll be a long way from home, and Brian won't be with him. I worry about who will make sure he takes his allergy medicine."

Everyone laughed, and Jenn lifted her hands in self-deprecation. "What can I say? I'm still his mother."

"And you always will be, honey," Deb said, patting Jenn's arm.

"Yes, well, I guess that's all for now. I'm looking forward to the marches this fall. I'm hoping we can make a difference."

Jacob moved on to the next person, and Jennifer looked to see if she still had Joan Kinney's attention. She did--the woman was obviously evaluating Jennifer closely.

"Deb," she whispered. "I'm going to talk to Brian's mom after the meeting, okay? Please don't do anything to frighten her off."

"What? Me? I wouldn't do a damn thing to scare the woman. Hell, I am the one who told her about Brian's cancer after all."

"Deb, just let me talk to her on my own. I'd really appreciate that."

"An old, dried up, bitch that woman is--take my word on it," Debbie muttered, chomping on her gum, and looking around the circle, anywhere but at Joan.

The meeting let out early, and everyone took their time standing up, gathering their things, chatting with one another. Except for Joan Kinney, who turned toward the door as soon as possible, obviously planning on making her exit without talking to anyone.

Jennifer stepped quickly and caught up to her saying, "Mrs. Kinney, please--could you spare just a moment?"

Joan stopped, looked Jennifer up and down, then said, "I'm quite sure we have little to say to one another, Ms...what did you say your name was?"

"Taylor. Jennifer Taylor, and my son, Justin, has been Brian's partner for the majority of the last several years."

Joan shuddered.

Jennifer didn't let her reaction stop her, though, saying, "I thought that maybe, if you were truly interested in mending bridges with Brian, that you might want to talk, to get to know a little of his life."

Joan pursed her lips. "I don't think that there is anything you could possibly tell me about my son that I would care to hear."

Jennifer blinked for a moment, then pulled out her card. "Here, in case you change your mind. Call any time."

Joan snatched the card from Jennifer's hand and turned on her heel.

"We won't be seeing her again," Debbie said, softly, standing behind Jennifer with a cup of coffee. "I got you some to go, honey."

"Thanks, Deb." Jennifer took the cup and sipped the coffee thoughtfully. "Thanks."

Jennifer was shocked when Joan Kinney called and asked to meet her for lunch. She couldn't have been more surprised if John F. Kennedy had called her from beyond the grave to discuss the gay rights movement. Still, she thought she covered rather well, and agreed to meet Joan at La Izquierda the following day at noon.

Joan was early, apparently, because when Jennifer arrived, she was already waiting at a table. They shook hands and Jennifer sat down, scanning the menu.

"What do you like here, Mrs. Kinney? Any suggestions?"

"I've actually never eaten here before," Joan replied. "I'm considering the fresh catch."

Jennifer nodded, closed the menu, and said, "I think I'll have the same."

An awkward silence followed, and Jennifer drank half of her glass of water before finally saying, "What made you decide to call, if you don't mind me asking?"

Joan ran her fingers over the napkin holding her silverware. "Father Tom suggested it. I try to do what he asks of me, and I know this rift between me and Brian has him concerned. He is a good man, and he has my best interests at heart. I trust him."

"It must be a comfort to have someone that you trust to counsel you at this time. I know that when I was dealing with Justin, it was nice to have someone I could talk to that I knew I could trust."

"Are you Catholic?" Joan asked, lifting her brows.

"Oh, no. No, Episcopalian."

"I see."

Jennifer took another sip of water. So far she had no idea how to judge the interaction; part of her felt that things were going well, after all, Joan was still here, but part of her felt things were definitely going badly and it was just a matter of time until they exploded into a huge mess.

"What did Father Tom suggest that you talk to me about?"

"He suggested that I ask you about my son." Joan looked at her expectantly, but said no more.

"Brian?"

"Well, he is the only son I have," Joan chuckled.

And Jennifer relaxed a little. That had to be a good sign.

"Brian is doing well. He's recovered quite nicely from the radiation treatment after the cancer."

Joan appeared somewhat relieved at that statement, so Jennifer continued, "Of course, being Brian, I didn't know anything about it until he was well on his way to recovery." She leaned forward conspiratorially, "That's the problem with men--they keep things to themselves. I don't think I would have found out at all, actually, if I hadn't walked in on Justin talking with Debbie about it."

"Justin--he's the young man I met? Blond? Too young?"

Jennifer smiled. "Well, Justin is old before his time. He was always mature, but when he was bashed--well, let's just say he grew up very fast."

"I'm afraid that I didn't speak to him, really. I had apparently come at a bad time."

Jennifer could only imagine what Joan might have interrupted. She'd been the unfortunate recipient of an eyeful more than once. Justin and Brian seemed to have a hard time keeping their hands off of each other when left alone for any length of time.

"Well, let me assure you, he's a good man, and he's in love with Brian. He takes good care of your son--when Brian will let him, that is."

The food came at that point, and Joan busied herself with her silverware and preparing to eat. Jennifer squeezed lemon over her fish, and took a bite.

"This is delicious," she commented.

Joan took a bite. "I have to agree. It appears that we made a good choice."

They ate in silence for several moments until Joan said, "So, you have a good relationship with your son?"

"Oh, yes. Justin and I have had some difficult times, but we're as close as ever now."

"And you don't mind that he's going to burn in hell for sinning?"

Joan's tone was obviously needling, and Jennifer had to take a deep breath before responding. "I don't believe that Justin will burn in hell for loving Brian. Or for loving anyone for that matter."

Joan lifted her brows in obvious disagreement, but let the comment go, saying, "Clare tells me that Brian has a son. A child that he gave up to a lesbian couple?"

Jennifer nodded. "Yes, that's Gus. He's a wonderful boy, very happy and smart. Lindsay and Melanie have done a wonderful job raising him."

"Gus--what kind of name is that?" Joan asked, but she was smiling. Jennifer wasn't sure if she was joking, but it appeared that she might be. "It sounds like a gas station attendant."

"Justin helped name him actually. Or so I've been told."

"I doubt I'll ever meet Gus," Joan said with frustration in her voice. "Not if my son has anything to do with it. No doubt Brian would tell me that I'd poison the child's mind with my very presence."

"Brian has strong opinions," Jennifer hedged.

"Yes, well, he's just like his father. Selfish, egotistical, and only out to pleasure himself. And that's all that homosexuality is--a selfish pursuit. A family doesn't come out of that lifestyle. It's all about physical pleasure, and it disgusts God."

Jennifer held her tongue for a long moment, trying to stay calm. "Brian is a generous, loving man. He's a good father, and he's one of the least selfish individuals I've ever met, and humble enough not to flaunt his good deeds in your face. His relationships with his son and with Justin are both loving and giving. I can't say enough about the man that Brian has grown to be."

She would never believe that homosexuality disgusted God, but there was no doubt that He had a sense of humor, because no sooner had those words come out of her mouth than she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Mom? What are you doing on this side of town?"

"Justin, honey!" She stood up and hugged him, kissing his cheek. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I was supposed to meet Brian for lunch, but he just called and canceled. Some big blow up with some big-wig client. I was just getting ready to leave when I saw you."

Justin's eyes fell on her table companion. "Hi. Have we met?" He put out his hand. "I'm Justin."

Joan shook his hand without rising or giving her name, and Justin smiled at her. "Do you mind if I join you? I'm so hungry and I'd been promised a free lunch." Justin sat down in the chair across from Joan, raising his hand for a waitress. "You'd think with all the putting out I do that I'd get more free meals, but no--he likes me to cook. 'It's low carb the way you make it', he says." Justin rolled his eyes.

"Justin, this is actually..." Jennifer trailed off, not sure what to say, and looked to Joan to save her to no avail. "Well, honey, this is Joan Kinney. Brian's mother," Jennifer said.

Justin's eyebrows flew up and he gaped for a moment, a thousand expressions flying over his face. "Oh," he said; his usual eloquence lost in his surprise. "Oh."

"We met once," Joan said, her eyes darting away. "You were barely dressed at the time. I'd think you'd remember."

Jennifer grabbed Justin's thigh under the table and squeezed before he made whatever smart-aleck comment came to mind after Joan's remark.

"Justin, do you remember meeting Mrs. Kinney?"

"Yes," he said curtly, his lips pressing together tightly. "I remember."

"Anyway, darling, maybe you and I should have lunch another--"

"No, he can stay," Joan interrupted. "I see no reason that the boy can't stay. After all, he's half of the problem."

Justin's eyes widened and he inhaled sharply. Jennifer squeezed his thigh again before saying, "Justin, Mrs. Kinney is hoping to reconcile with Brian. We were just discussing Brian's health."

"Well, she isn't going to reconcile with him given that attitude," Justin replied.

"Justin, please. Mrs. Kinney is wanting to make some sort of effort--"

"Too much, too little, too late." Justin stood up. "I'll see you later, Mom."

"Young man--" Joan began. "Justin, excuse me. Please, sit. I--" She chewed on her bottom lip in a way that reminded Jennifer of Brian. "I would like to know about my son, and Father Tom suggested that I need to attempt more understanding. I--"

"Father Tom?" Justin asked, almost laughing. "Father Tom from the Catholic Church on Luttrell?"

"Yes, that's the one. Do you know him? A wonderful man. Like a son to me."

Justin sat back down, looked at Jennifer with an odd expression, and said, "You could say that I know him. So, he's preaching understanding? Color me surprised."

Suddenly Jennifer had no doubt that Father Tom was no stranger to gay sex. She didn't want to know details, but she could see it written all over her son's face.

The waitress returned and asked Justin if he'd like to place an order. He seemed to waver, but he finally ordered Pad Thai and settled into his seat.

"Okay, if nothing else, I'll be able to freak Brian out tonight by telling him I lunched with his mother." Justin placed his napkin in his lap, and smiled at Joan. "So, what do you want to know about Brian? He's a top if that matters--"

Jennifer pinched him.

"Ow." Justin rubbed his leg glaring at her.

Joan shifted in her chair, closing her eyes, and seemingly praying for patience, or guidance, or both. "I don't know what to ask, really. Can you tell me about him? What he's like now, how he lives?"

Justin looked at Jennifer, clearly unsure of himself. "Brian is great. He's strong and kind, and even if he won't say it, I know that he loves me. He's a good dad."

"That's what your mother was telling me. He was never very good with children, and after the incident with John--" Joan shook her head. "Father Tom says that I should apologize for that. Do you think he'd even listen? Brian has always been so proud. I doubt he'd give me the time of day to apologize."

"Brian says that apologies are bullshit."

Joan's eyes flickered. "That sounds like him. Always making excuses not to admit that he's wrong."

"Brian has no problem admitting that he's wrong. He's just not one to forgive and forget. He doesn't give people a lot of chances."

Jennifer said, "He's very...discerning."

"Not even his own mother? What about you?" Joan asked. "Does he give you chances? Does he forgive you?"

Justin frowned. "He tried. I think he's managed to forgive me, yeah."

Joan finished her fish just as Justin's lunch arrived. She let the waitress take her plate, and then leaned forward. "Give me your honest opinion, Justin. Do I have a chance at a relationship with my son?"

Justin twirled the noodles around his fork for several moments, then looked up to meet Joan's eye. "That depends on you. Brian won't change and if you can't love him the way he is, then why bother talking to him? You'll just bring each other pain. Ask Father Tom if he thinks that God wants you to be in pain, or if God wants you to bring pain to your son. Ask him that."

Joan studied Justin in silence. Jennifer cleared her throat nervously, wishing that she had something to say, something to break the tension.

Joan finally gathered her purse and her coat, placing a fifty dollar bill on the table. "Thank you, Jennifer. Lunch has been...enlightening."

"Oh, no, Joan. Lunch is on me. Thank you. I hope that we see you at next month's PFLAG meeting."

Joan stood, and shook Jennifer's her hand, deliberately leaving the money in place, and ignoring Jennifer's protestation then turned to Justin. "Thank you, Justin. If it comes up, please tell Brian that I do love him, even if he doesn't believe me. And may you come to know God's truth, may God help you both, and may He forgive you for your sins."

Justin's eyebrows went up, but he remained silent, and he turned to watch Joan walk out of the restaurant. When the door had closed behind Brian's mother, he turned to Jennifer and said, "Well, that was fucked up."

Jennifer reached out and patted his hand. "Yes. Yes, it was."



The following month, Joan sat in silence across the circle from her, and Jennifer sipped her coffee, glad to see her there.


THE END