There are some things about my best friend that I just don't need to know, you know? For example, I don't need to know that Clark and Lex have their own homemade porn collection and I don't need to know exactly what Clark's face looks like when he comes. Yeah, I really don't need to know that.

And that's why when Chloe and I, drunk and horny, ran across the tapes in Clark's porn collection, just mixed in there with all of the other normal stuff, (sometimes I really think Clark's an idiot), I tried to block it out of my mind. I still tell myself that I never saw it and that part was just a bad, bad, bad dream.

I mean, jeez, just when I'd gotten kind of used to the idea of Clark and Luthor together, just when I'd sort of come to accept that if I wanted to keep Clark as a friend then I was gonna have to grin and bear it--but did I actually have to see it? That's why we had the special codes at our apartment: a post-it note on the door that read 'find someplace else to stay'--not subtle, but it worked.

You know, I'd always figured Clark was the one who fucked Luthor up the ass and despite the fact that that's gross--in my very heterosexual opinion--there was some poetic justice in it, if you know what I mean. So imagine my absolute fucking horror to see videographic evidence of my best friend getting his ass reamed while he screamed for more.

I'd closed my eyes as quickly as I could and fumbled for the 'stop' button on the VCR. Chloe was chortling like mad and actually trying to prevent me from stopping the tape! I was about to haul off and do something like--tickle her really hard or something. I mean, the sounds that Clark was making! God, a friend shouldn't have to hear that shit.

I finally got it stopped though and swore to myself that it never happened. It never happened.

So, uh, what were Chloe and I doing looking at porn together? Well, um--you know--that's a long story. Or not.

Let's just say that I gave Clark a really hard time when he told me the reason he and Lex finally got together was because they couldn't seem to stop accidentally having sex. I mean, man, how the hell does someone 'accidentally' have sex? Did Clark trip and pull Luthor down with him and somehow the bald shithead's cock ended up in Clark's ass?

But there really is no way to explain what was happening between me and Chloe except--well, we kept having accidental sex. Man, I'm blushing. I hadn't thought it would be so embarrassing to tell you. See, the thing is, I really cared about Chloe--I mean, really. She didn't feel the same way about me, though. It sucked. A lot.

That doesn't mean that when she'd had a few drinks and she was reaching out for me that I was going to turn her away. I meant to; I kept planning to do that. I kept telling myself, "Pete, next time, just say 'no'." Because it just hurt so much when it was over, you know?

But she's so gorgeous. Have you seen Chloe after a few drinks? She glows. Her cheeks, her eyes--her breasts. She flushes all over. It makes me want to lick her everywhere. She's a hot woman. I couldn't resist her even if I was gay--which I'm not. I just want to be clear on that. I might live with a queer man and maybe those tapes came into play later, but I absolutely am not gay. Okay? Okay.

Not that I'm a homophobe.

Never mind. That's not the point. The point is, I should never have had to see that tape, but I did. The worst thing though is that I was too freaked out that night to even have accidental sex with Chloe. She left the apartment pissed off and horny as hell--or so she told me. Many times. Screamed it at me before she slammed the door--"Fine, Pete! See if I care! I might be horny as hell, but I have other options!"

I never really understood that old saying about hell and fury and women scorned. But, uh, after that I did. I swore that the next time I'd fuck her no matter what. I mean, accidental sex with the girl of your dreams? Stupid to pass up. Um, until you remembered how badly it hurts.

Anyway, a few days later I came home and, fuck if Chloe wasn't there on our couch, skirt hitched up, panties held aside and fingers stroking her clit while she watched something on the television. I was too struck by the unbelievable fantasy that just walked out of my dreams and into my living room to notice what she was watching for a second, but then I heard the unmistakable velvet-smooth voice saying, "You're so hot, Clark. So fucking tight. You want it, don't you?"

I don't think I can even describe the way I felt at that moment. Here I was looking at the most beautiful girl in the world, hot, sweaty, making herself come, before holding out her hand to me, begging with her eyes for me to touch her, lick her, hold her, fuck her--

And then there's my best friend on the television screen getting screwed within an inch of his life by that fucking bastard, Luthor.

Chloe blinked up at me and moaned. "Come on Pete. I need you. Please."

My cock heard that loud and clear.

I'm not going to deny it. I didn't waste a second more by worrying about what was on the tv screen. I had my shirt off and my pants unbuttoned instantly. I crossed to her, knelt between her splayed legs and sucked a huge red mark into her inner thigh. I love that. I like to know she'll have a mark later.

Chloe grabbed my head and pulled me forward. I knew what she needed. Getting Chloe off was something I was good at--obviously, since she kept coming back for more. I latched onto her clit and tongued it hard. Chloe groaned and turned the volume up on the television. I tried to ignore it, but it came through, even though Chloe's thighs muffled it a little.

Luthor said, "You like it hard, don't you? You can't get enough of me, can you?"

Clark whimpered and answered him, "Yeah. I can't get enough. I want more. Give me more."

I don't want to remember what was said next, but--I do. Luthor told him, "I'll give you more. When I've come in your tight little ass, I'm going to give you my fist."

I still shudder to think of that. What's worse is that Clark begged him to do it! Gah! I still need brain disinfectant!

But Chloe was loving it, man. She held me there, her hand on the back of my head--there was no doubt she would have killed me if I had moved away then. I slid my fingers into her, felt the small clenches that signaled she was near orgasm and I redoubled my efforts.

There is nothing like Chloe Sullivan squirming against your mouth. Nothing like it at all. She even tastes good. Well, not that I really have many girls to compare her to--

Never mind. That isn't the point. The point is that Chloe came really damn hard, screaming and bucking against me. I love to make that woman come. She makes the best noises. Once she stopped shuddering, she pulled me up from between her legs and just told me what to do. I like it when she's bossy. "Fuck me. Now. Now, Pete." Her eyes never left the TV.

It was kind of disturbing, but not enough to dissuade me. After all, Pete Jr. loves Chloe Sullivan's pussy. It's his favorite place to be.

He would've liked to have been there more often.

Anyway, I got my zipper down and slid into her slowly. I love the way she feels when she's had a few orgasms already. She's wet and slippery inside, but still tight. She fits me perfectly--I can tell she's as full as she wants to be when I'm in her.

I could still hear Clark and Lex on the television, moaning and groaning and calling each other's names was actually kind of starting to add to the experience. I mean, the sound of people enjoying each other's bodies while I'm sliding in and out of the best body in the world? Not a terrible thing.

Although, I didn't need to hear Lex say, "Can you take another finger now, Clark?" And I really didn't need to hear Clark tell him, "Give me your fist. Please--Oh, God, please."

I have to admit there have been some awkward moments with Clark ever since this whole--thing. We'll just be having dinner or playing video games and I'll suddenly hear him begging Luthor for his fist in my head. It's--well, it's not good, okay?

But, you know what is good? Chloe Sullivan coming on my cock. Jesus, that woman's insatiable, and she can come over and over and over. Especially when watching these tapes--but, uh, well--yeah, okay, so we've done this more than once.

So--

Chloe--coming--on my cock. Bliss. The best thing that can happen to a man, let me tell you. It never fails to make me go mad with lust for her and fuck her through the mattress, or sofa, or floor--or wherever we're accidentally fucking. The noises she makes when I'm really pounding into her--

Some of my best memories.

It ended really hot. She finally looked away from the TV and pulled me in for a kiss. Lips locked on hers, tongue in her mouth and cock in her pussy--fucking her without reason or rhythm--I felt my orgasm come on like--

Well, it's like a fucking car wreck when it's that good.

Fast, hard, hurtful.

Lots of yelling. Huge rush.

I don't think I stopped shaking for an hour after that. Chloe--well, she turned the tape off, pulled up my pants, straightened our clothes and curled up on the couch with me. That's when I remembered that I'd forgotten the post-it note. I jerked up in a panic, but Chloe pushed me back down.

"He's at Lex's. You think I'd have been here masturbating on the couch if he was going to walk in, Einstein?"

I grinned up at her and when she laid her head on my chest I whispered in her ear, "We've really got to stop accidentally fucking each other like this."

She laughed and then lifted her head to look into my eyes. "Okay, then. Let's start fucking on purpose."

Man, my heart was in my throat in that second.

"Chloe?"

"Yeah, Pete?"

"Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?"

"I've been asking you for months. It's about time you got hit by the clue bus."

Now that was just insane. "Since when?"

"Since the first time. You can only accidentally fuck once, you know. After that--it's on purpose."

Oh. Oh man, I was so fucking high.

So, uh, yeah. That's how Chloe and I got together. It was--well, it was interesting trying to explain it to Clark.

I just told him, "Yeah. Well, we had to get together. We couldn't stop accidentally having sex."

Clark just grinned at me. He's cool that way. Besides, he knew the score--he'd been there, too.

Still, there are some things I could've gone a lifetime without knowing, and the look on Clark's face when he comes is definitely one of them.

But, you know, it's worth anything to call Chloe Sullivan my girl.

Yeah. She's my girl. All mine.

The End.